My Son, My Love, My loss, My Journey #A Repost

Losing Isaiah was like losing a piece of my very soul. But even in the pain and heartbreak, there have been revelations and lessons that have shaped my journey.

1) Isaiah's love is an ever-present force. Every sunrise I witness and every whisper of the wind carries Isaiah's name. Time has done little to wane the intensity of my love and longing for him. I still imagine his laughter echoing in the corners of our home and envision the life we should've had together. Though society might expect my memories to fade, they only become more vivid. When I speak of Isaiah, it isn’t just about recounting memories; it's about keeping alive the ever-burning flame of the bond we shared.

2) A connection beyond words. Navigating the world after losing Isaiah, I discovered a fraternity of parents whose hearts, like mine, bear a permanent scar. Our interactions aren't based on shared hobbies or interests but on an understanding that transcends words. Our eyes communicate stories of sleepless nights, of memories both cherished and mourned, and of the love we still hold for our children. In this shared sorrow, I find strength and solace.

3) Isaiah's absence, a lifelong journey. There's a palpable void that Isaiah's departure has left in my life—a void that no amount of time or distraction can fill. Every potential memory, every missed milestone, and every quiet moment is a reflection of the time stolen from us. With each passing day, I come to understand that my grief is not a phase but a lifelong journey of coming to terms with a life without Isaiah.

4) An unwanted bond with incredible souls. The unfortunate bond that ties all of us who have lost a child is one nobody wishes to be a part of. Yet, it's in this space of shared tragedy where I've met some of the most resilient, brave, and compassionate souls. Together, we navigate this tumultuous journey, drawing strength from one another, and channeling our pain into actions that honor our lost ones.

5) Isaiah's space, an ever-present void. Isaiah's absence is felt most profoundly in the mundane moments: an unoccupied seat at the table, the quiet of a room once filled with his laughter, the family photos that seem incomplete without his radiant smile. These constant reminders, rather than pushing me further into sorrow, have become sacred spaces—reminders of the love and memories we shared. While the world might see emptiness, I see spaces filled with Isaiah's enduring presence.

6) Holidays without Isaiah. Each holiday season is a stark reminder of Isaiah's absence. The festive lights seem a bit dimmer, the songs a little less joyous. Yet, in that very pain lies a profound realization of the depth of our bond. Each ornament, every tradition, and every family gathering serves as a testament to Isaiah's undying influence in our lives. While the world celebrates, I quietly honor Isaiah's memory, finding solace in the knowledge that our love transcends time and space.

7)Isaiah's life-giving legacy: A beacon of hope for others. In the midst of our deepest sorrow, Isaiah's spirit has become a beacon of hope and life. His organs were donated, and because of this, there are five children out there who have been given a new lease on life. Five families who, unlike us, have been spared the agony of loss, the depth of grief, and the endless void left by the departure of a child.

While I may never know their names or stories, in my heart, they are forever intertwined with Isaiah’s memory. Each of these children carries a piece of him, a living legacy that continues to walk this earth. It’s a bittersweet solace, knowing that in the midst of our loss, others have found hope and healing.

To me, these children are like distant stars, their lives brightened by Isaiah’s spirit. They are unknown faces I love without ever having met, each heartbeat a testament to the enduring impact of my son. In their laughter, their milestones, their lives, Isaiah lives on. This extraordinary legacy is a source of comfort and pride. It reminds us that even in the darkest moments, there can emerge rays of hope and love, transcending the barriers of existence.

Through these children, Isaiah's story continues — a narrative of love, sacrifice, and the profound interconnectedness of life. They are living reminders that even when our loved ones leave us, their influence never truly ends. In this way, Isaiah's spirit continues to guide, inspire, and enrich the lives of others, just as he did ours.

8) Isaiah’s legacy: Pain transformed into profound joy.

While the pain of losing Isaiah is a wound that time cannot heal, there exists a living testament to both my grief and joy: his little sister. Every time she speaks, she brings Isaiah alive in her words. Her innocent prayers at night, whispered in the quiet, are pleas to God to send her brother back from heaven. Each time she tosses a coin into a wishing well, her singular wish remains the same — for her brother to return.

When she poses for photos, one shot is always her right hand pointing upwards, her fingers stretching towards the sky, silently hoping for Isaiah's touch from the heavens. And while she pours her heart into cheerleading, every leap, every stunt, I'm reminded of the son who might have been on the football field. Her joy in cheerleading is a bittersweet reminder of the milestones Isaiah and I won't get to share.

Yet, in the midst of this heartache, there's a profound beauty. She lives and loves fiercely, keeping Isaiah's memory alive with every breath. The way she talks to him, as if he's right there beside her, ensures that his legacy never fades. It's a testament to an unbreakable bond between siblings and a reminder that love, even when tested by the harshest of life's tragedies, endures. Through her, I've come to realize that grief and joy can coexist, each amplifying the depth of the other. She is my daily reminder of the blessings life has bestowed upon us, even in the midst of its most challenging trials.

The piercing pain of Isaiah's loss has been a crucible, refining my understanding of life, love, and loss. This profound sorrow has heightened my senses, enabling me to cherish fleeting moments and find joy in the smallest of blessings. Each day, as I navigate the complexities of grief and joy, I'm reminded of the duality of life. Through this prism of pain and love, my life has taken on richer hues, and I've learned to embrace every emotion, no matter how conflicting, as a testament to the depth of my love for Isaiah.

Isaiah, being your mother, witnessing your love, and now honoring your memory has been the most profound journey of my life. Your legacy continues to shape me, and our bond, forged in love and tested by time and separation, unyielding in the face of time and death, remains an eternal part of my soul's tapestry.

#griefjourney #motherslove #workhardplayhard #HeGotItIn