Forgot My Mask.....

"It's just been a long day," is what I usually say, with a practiced smile to those concerned about me. This phrase has become my shield, especially during the holidays when the weight of past losses and memories feels unbearable. The festive season, for many a time of joy, brings me an acute awareness of my struggles, hitting with the force of an emotional storm.

The Art of Being 'Fine'

I've become adept at the art of appearing 'fine'. This skill has been a necessity, a way to navigate a world that often misunderstands mental health struggles. To the outside world, I'm the person who seems to have it all together. I'm there at work, keeping up with a growing business, and even responding to a higher calling that sometimes feels overwhelming. Yet, beneath this capable exterior, I'm engaged in a silent battle with a deep, persistent depression.

This kind of depression doesn't manifest in the ways people typically expect. It's not always about being unable to get out of bed or breaking down in tears. It's a quieter, more insidious kind that eats away at me from the inside, particularly poignant when the world is singing along to holiday tunes.

The Challenge of Opening Up

Opening up about my struggles often leads to a mix of disbelief and misunderstanding. "But you don't look depressed?" is a common response, reflecting the widespread misconception that depression has a certain 'look'. This reaction only reinforces my fear of being vulnerable, of sharing the reality of my internal world.

The Facade and Its Fallout

My journey with high-functioning depression is one of constant juggling. On the surface, I'm managing work commitments, social obligations, and personal responsibilities. But this balancing act comes at a cost. There's a relentless pressure to maintain appearances, to be what others expect me to be, often neglecting my own needs in the process.

The day came when the facade I had so carefully constructed began to crumble. The realization that I could no longer maintain this front was both terrifying and liberating. It marked the beginning of a new chapter, one where I started to acknowledge the need for change.

High-Functioning Depression: A Closer Look

High-functioning depression is a term that describes a reality for many, like myself, who keep pushing through life despite internal struggles. It's not a clinical diagnosis, but rather a way to describe how some people with depression can still manage to accomplish tasks and meet societal expectations, all while fighting a hidden battle.

Historical figures like Winston Churchill and Emily Dickinson are examples of individuals who achieved greatness while dealing with depression. Their stories are a testament to the complexity of this condition. It's a reminder that success and outward functionality don't negate the inner turmoil and pain.

The Path to Visibility and Support

For those grappling with this form of depression, making it visible is a crucial step. It begins with acknowledging the struggle and finding the courage to share it with someone trusted. This journey of opening up is challenging but essential for healing and finding support.

If you suspect a loved one is dealing with high-functioning depression, your role can be pivotal.

Observe, ask questions, and most importantly, listen. Your support might be the lifeline they need, even if they don't immediately recognize or accept it. Your understanding and persistence can be the key to their journey towards recovery.